Eli Week. Part 4:The People & The Preparing

This year during Eli week has been kind of rough for me. Surely because of the blogging of all the details. It has been therapeutic, but emotional to relive the experience.
This is a bit long and probably should be two entries. I am hoping to finish up in the next day or two so I can move on and blog about fun stuff like how my living children cause so much emotional trauma. :)
thanks so much for all your sweet & sincere comments.

10 days after the news, Jeremy had to go back to work so I was on my own taking care of things at home. I was fine, really. My days were spent trying to keep things normal for the kids, low-key as far as any activity, be a cheerful, loving mom and not burst into tears every time the reality hit me. I used my shower time to bawl my eyes out.

We went back to Dr. Barton after the three days and the ultrasound showed that our baby was still holding on. Three more days. Check. Alive. Still waiting. Four more days. Heartbeat.


Each time we spent driving up to Cottonwood Hospital we would prepare ourselves and each of those times after the news of our little trooper holding on, we most definitely rejoiced. We would catch some lunch on the way home, and chat about the what-if's. Conversations being led by my ever-optimistic hubby, but always with that cloud of statistics.

I also worried terribly that the baby was in pain, distressed and scared. This kept me up at night. Praying, pleading for peace and comfort for him/her. Would this little one ever feel joy? love? The warmth of our touch. Oh, this thought was the most unbearable of all.

By now it was the middle of April and we had gone back 5 or so times to the doctor.

Dr. Barton had several doctors within his hospital look at our results early on. 100% of them saying the same thing as Dr. Barton did about the chances of survival. (On our own checking, there had been a few babies nationally to make it with water breaking about the 19th or 20th week)

After over two weeks of this baby hanging on, he was amazed and perplexed.

I was already on partial bed rest and told him that I had researched and found 2 other mothers that had membranes break early on, have strict bed rest, and deliver a healthy baby. He reminded me of those crucial 2 weeks that separated us from these other women. But said bed-rest was the safe thing.

He spent the next few days calling other colleagues to find some other opinions on our situation. He found a team of doctors that would see us at LDS hospital and made an appointment with the specialists.

I spent the day there at about 21 weeks, getting tests & more tests and doctors who gave us more statistics. Three things we learned there that day:

1. slim chance of this pregnancy ever making it to the time of a viable baby. (24 weeks is considered a viable baby)
2. that if we did make it to 24 week, there would be a bed waiting for me there, where I would receive round the clock care with 100% bed rest.
3. I was extremely prone to infection. we had known this before and had followed some instructions to help in the matter. At LDS we learned that it was a very serious matter. They even spoke of me losing my life over that kind of infection. One doctor even advised that we deliver the next day, to ensure that I would not get sick.

At home there had been a flurry of wonderful friends and family serving in all kinds of ways. Now I don't know about you, but it has always been difficult for me to accept service.

I received a call from a friend who served as the compassionate service leader in my ward. I cried like a baby as she announced that dinners, rides for the kids, yard work, etc. etc. you name it was taken care of. My instinct was to say thanks but no thanks. She told me: "Suzie, if there was ever a time you needed this, it's now." I was so grateful for Shalann, she was also my visiting teacher at the time and was with me by my side this whole journey. She grew into one of my dearest personal friends.

I want to say something here about dinners. I have brought in my share of dinners in my life. For a baby being born, a death in the family, sickness, birthday,... all kinds of good reasons to bring in dinner to some one's family. I think it's one of the most easy ways to serve.

After this experience I have looked at that food... all wrapped up in leftover margarine & cool whip containers and aluminum foil for easy cleanup, differently.

Those dinners were not only nutritious & necessary for physical fuel for my family, not just something I didn't have to worry about because I had other things to deal with, but were spiritual nourishment. I knew that out of love they were prepared and delivered and I spent many nights with a heart near bursting with gratitude, accepting the meals that were delivered to us. I even wrote down all their names so I would remember.

ok. TANGENT! sorry. just part of the story for me.

The next week went by fairly quickly and we were back into Dr Barton's office. I remember vividly telling Jer on the way up that I thought that today was the day we would find that he/she was gone. Don't know why, I think a combination of things. Staying in bed all day is depressing. But to mine and others astonishment, this baby was holding on! A strong heartbeat was shown, and also more fluid than ever which meant we could see him/her moving more than ever before. Dr Barton tried for a half an hour to see if this was a boy or girl but we couldn't see that day either.

Luckily I had amazing friends (Judy, Diane, Ally, The Three Susan's, Melissa, Cheryl, Heidi, Rachelle, Lucy, Michelle) who brought me excellent entertainment. (Pride & Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Sense & Sensibility, Enchanted April, Anne of Green Gables) and lots of other sagas on video to pass the time. I would read the many books & magazines that were so kindly delivered to me.
Couldn't have made it through without them.

a few amazing events happened at this time. a couple I would like to relate here.

There was a special fast being done on our behalf, by the whole ward.

We also had a small gathering of friends and family to update them with the news and kneel in prayer at our home.
I was touched and blessed in such a way that I cannot describe. I have a testimony of the power of prayer and the principle of fasting engraved on my heart forever because of this.

Our Bishop visited me in our home many times during all of this. He and his wife Susan were some of our closest friends and we love them dearly.

He called one evening and chatted to see how things were, I believe I was in my 21st week at this time. He said that he and his counselors wanted to have a fast and then give a priesthood blessing later on in the week. We set a date and time and looked forward to it.

The evening came and we invited them in and made small talk in the living room. The spirit in our home at this time was so strong on a daily basis, but as those brethren filled the space the spirit practically paralyzed me. I had a difficult time even speaking. I just wanted to soak it in but I also felt prickly and warm from the inside out. The only way to describe it in words is to say that it enveloped me totally with a thick layer of love including the very core of my soul.

Bishop Robbins asked if I would like to have the blessing at that time and I shook my head yes, a chair was brought out and he asked if I would choose two people from the bishopric. One for the anointing and one for the blessing. I spoke the names of the two men and they acted in the Savior's name and blessed my life for that time and really forever.

The blessing was one of many I had during that time, but this one a bit different. I am emotional as I write this. I learned during that blessing many things as the spirit spoke to me directly. I was comforted to know that my body could handle this trauma. I was reminded how loved I was and watched over by a Father In Heaven and He was directing this. The peace I felt afterwords was knowing that this child I was carrying was in the hands of God Himself and that no matter what, this child would fill the measure of his creation and all the blessings would be available to him.

We said goodbye to our dear bishopric, with not a dry eye in the room, and called it a night.


side note: a few months later, I was serving in the Stake Young Women. (seriously the funnest calling I ever had) We were at girls camp sitting at a picnic table swapping stories. Lorene, Lois, Allyson & Susan (Bishop Robbins wife) were all there. Elijah was fresh on every one's mind and the conversation turned to the night of that priesthood blessing. I expressed what a spiritual experience it was for me. I was asked who gave the blessing and as I said Roger Clarke, Susan teared up and told me that Roger had said it was one of his most spiritual experiences. I didn't know Roger all that well, although very much admired him and his sweet wife, Daunelle. It made him an unlikely choice that night, being that the other bishopric members were all close friends of ours and knew me well. I don't recall why his name came out when choosing. I just know that when I questioned him after the girls camp chat, he said that while during his fasting that day, he was told that he would be the one to offer the blessing.